In a taxi today, my nieces by my side, rolling to the sunday street fair in San Telmo. The Light hit the grimy windows of the cab, shattered into a hazy glow. My oldest niece was telling me a story, her face tilted up to look at me as she talked. The diffused light seemed to settle on her, almost as if she had become its source. Every detail of her skin was highlighted, every feature of her face. The tiny freckles, the blond lashes, the curve of nose, fine hair on the upper lip. Not a wrinkle. Not even an incipient line, like the stillest pool of water. The pale blue tracings of veins at her temples. Eyes at full glitter, unbloodied by life and by choices made and doubted. Unencumbered by the painful memories we secrete away in the distant pinpoint of our gaze. She looked, in that moment, like Forever.
This afternoon, I studied myself in the mirror. In the elevator. Surrounded by reflecting blades of glass. The crows feet, the loosening skin around jaw and chin, the beginnings of permanent bags under my bloodshot eyes. A forehead gone fivehead, quickly becoming sixhead. Gray hair spilling from sideburn into beard. A giant rogue hair coming out of my nose. “Are my earlobes longer? They really don’t need to be any longer. They already look like punching bags.” Under the green-sheen-glare of the fluorescent bulb in the elevator, I looked, for all the world, like Yesterday.
There are two possible youths in our lives.
The physical one is brief. It is cruel, too, because its exit plays out so visibly in our bodies and our movements.
The other youth, the one that I work to keep a hold of every day, is the one that can carry us through a whole and fascinating life, the one that can keep us wondering and curious. It’s the one that, when we believe in it, can jump from us to others and to yet others, can gain a certain perpetuity, even when we’ve gone dust to dust. It has nothing to do with our fading looks and our hollowing bones. It’s an inner shine.
My niece’s face, glowing in the refractions of a late morning sun.
It was the perfect synergy of those two youths: lighting up Forever, chasing shadows from Yesterday.
Awesome to see you back at it! I’ve checked in on your site periodically. I don’t know if you remember me – from way down in Ushuaia. I’m in NY now.
Spending time with your nieces will add to that physical aging thaaaang…trust me, I know!!
the Inner Shine struggles to emit and glow, but too often can’t make it past the numerous layers that age lays down. Children haven’t yet built up layers, so the shine shines through, ya know? Remember how watching young Pietro used to make us just laugh? That’s the Inner Shine reaching out and touching. May we always have young ones around us. May we always smile and respond to that Inner Shine.
Quick, somebody call a publisher. This needs to be in a book. Well done Mr. Reeves. How have you been? Long time my friend. We never tossed back a root beer. I’d very much like to do that if you’re ever in my neck of the woods.